Reflection and the road ahead

As we prepare for a new year with goals, resolutions and renewed spirit, it is also a time for reflection and introspection. This past year was filled with complete and utter joy and happiness as Tony and I got engaged, purchased and renovate a house, blended our families and our lives and shared our love with those around us. This past year was also filled with tragedy, loss, grief, tremendous pain and heartbreak in losing my love. However, through that pain and grief I have learned to live, love and cherish every precious moment God has given to us. I have had some tremendous blessings bestowed upon me and opportunities that I never imagined possible.


In my season of grief if I allow myself to be stuck in the past and what should have been I am only holding myself back from an opportunity to grow. Approaching each day with Gratitude, however, does not happen overnight. It’s a work in progress and comes in small doses through daily reminders, reflections, and affirmations. Daily prayer and meditation renew and refreshes the spirit, exercise changes the chemistry of the brain and allows the body to work the way it was designed, surrounding yourself with like-minded positive people fills your cup, and essential oils and whole foods nourish our senses and soul.


Gratitude only deepens with repetition and expands with support. The outpouring of love and support surrounding Tony’s death has brought me to tears many times. I have pain and grief that will be carried with me the rest of my life. It’s an open wound that has layers of scar tissue building up around it and never really heals. You only learn to live with the pain but it never goes away. What happens next is only because of what came before.


So, as I look at a new 365 days ahead I know that there will be more joy, happiness and love as well as pain, grief and heartache. I know that I have to live my best life regardless of how it continues to unfold. The year ahead will look nothing like I had planned or hoped but I can carry the memories of the past and allow a rebirth for tomorrow. I can continue to rebuild and refocus and try to live each and every treasured moment as it was designed.