One year ago this weekend my life was forever changed, my love took me on a Bucket List trip to San Fransisco and Napa Valley. It was a trip of a life time: we took a helicopter ride over the Bay and flew under and over the bridge, we had drinks at the top of the Hilton Union Square that has a 360 degree view of the entire city, we took a wine train through Napa, and... He proposed to me at the top of a castle in a 13th century style winery! It was magical, blissful, and spectacular in every way! We could not wait to combine our lives and immediately came home and started planing for our future together home. We loved one of the first homes we looked at but spent another month searching before coming back to this one. We spent weeks making it our own and could not wait to move in.
Now, the time has come to move to a new home and allow a new family to enjoy this house. I have not been able to enjoy it and utilize it the way it was meant to be used. I know the new family moving in will appreciate all the love and hard work we poured into this home to make it our own. I know they will enjoy the neighborhood, and fill this house with love and laughter and take advantage of the amenities it has to offer.
Moving in itself is stressful but twice in one year is taxing physically and emotionally.
This has been a difficult week for me coming to grips with reality. Packing, sorting and leaving what we always imagined to be our "together home." has been painful. I have had to sort through items I was not ready to go through, however I came to the understanding that although I don't want to leave this house, I know both emotionally and financially it is the best decision as well as necessary for my well being.
With moving comes a new chapter in my life. It's not the life I had planned, it's not the ending I had dreamed about, it's not the story I had penned. However, I know I will be okay and I know it's just a house and I can certainly make the new house my home. I know I will eventually fill it with love and laughter, as well as tears. I know it will also allow me to free myself from some emotional & physical baggage and clutter. It will be a new beginning, a new chapter and a new start.
The past eight months since Tony has passed has been filled with secondary losses beyond imagination. I had to make decisions in a time of grief that most don't make under the best of circumstances. I have encountered the loss of friendships and connections because money and greed allow people to lose themselves. In leaning in and being held accountable I have been able to rise above and hopefully do the right things.
As I stumble my way through this next chapter in my life, I am grateful for my wonderful tribe that continues to walk with me in this journey. I am also grateful for the grief counseling sessions, spiritual guides, coaches and mentors that have been placed in my life. But most of all I am grateful for my connection with my Higher Power. The healing will continue as the painful gaping hole ever so slightly closes bit by bit.
Going through this tragic painful grief has also allowed me to have grace and patience with myself and others. I have come to understand that although my life does not look like it did nine months ago, my journey has allowed me to see things that others might not be able to with love, compassion and empathy.
Creating this blog, business, and soon to be podcast has given me some cathartic healing. If I can serve and give to others, it will continue to give me healing and peace. Impacting and influencing others to live their best life gives me great joy. I look forward to becoming a certified speaker, trainer and coach through the John Maxwell Team next month and using those skills to continue to share my story and encourage others.
Thank you for reading,