When I reflect on 2019 as a whole I can’t think of anything else to describe it other than Transformational Growth.
The beginning of the year was full of pain and grief. I was an emotional wreck and my entire life was in complete disorder. I was reeling from heavy grief, in the middle of a painful lawsuit, barely talking to either one of my kids, in the process of having to move for the second time in 8 months, my finances were pitiful and bills were piling up. I was also lonely, sad, depressed and felt like there was not much to live for.
There were days I could hardly get out of bed, I had little to no focus and I could not wait for the day to end so I could take a hot bath and go to bed. I would wish my life to end on a daily basis. I would wish for a car to run me off the road or an accident of some kind to just happen. I was not motivated, I had no joy and in a deep depression.
As I moved through the next few months I found that life was starting to change. I found a new place to live, moved, and tried to start fresh. I also started working towards a coaching certification and reading as much as I could on personal development, growth, coaching, and speaking and mindset.
Going to the International Maxwell Conference in March was the beginning of my true transformation. I was able to share my story with others, listen to theirs and recognize I wanted to truly help others transform their lives. I had to let my story continue to unfold and work through the pain and grief but what I was finding is that in helping others grow and transform; it helped me grow and transform.
I was starting to see the heavy burden of grief and pain lift in small ways. I was able to start to change my thoughts and therefore my actions and results were changing as well. I hired a coach for myself and my business and got to work.
By mid-year I found myself connecting with my kids more, becoming more compassionate, understanding and accepting of who they are, what they are and where they are. I was able to start letting go of the ideals I had created in my head for their life and came to a place of true understanding that their life is for them to live and my successes and failures are not their successes and failures. It was the start of building a relationship as adults and being their support and counselor rather than setting expectations for them in my head.
I ended up losing my job in June. I knew it was a blessing from the moment it happened. I had outgrown the position and no longer had the passion I once had. I also knew it no longer aligned with the values and beliefs of who I was and where I was heading.
I took the opportunity and space to launch a podcast. A dream I had put on hold for nearly 8 years. I told myself at the beginning of the year that I would launch my podcast in 2019 but I did not know how or when.
To my surprise it took off, I was booking guests left and right and it started ranking on iTunes. I was energized and fueled by the conversations and learning so much from each guest as they shared their story and their journey.
In learning about the transformation of others I was able to sit in gratitude more and more each day. It was a continued healing process for me in my journey.
I had the courage and belief in myself that I was adding value to others and sharing such powerful content and messages. I was showing up on videos with more confidence and was blessed for all the opportunities and connections.
I also took the time and space in-between jobs to grow and develop myself in ways I did not think were physically possible. I started facing my fears one by one.
My relationship with my kids today (I talk about our journey here) is better than it’s ever been. We were all under the same roof for the holidays and it fun, enjoyable and full of laughs. This was the first time in many years we did not argue, fight or disagree. I am in a place of true acceptance which came from a place of learning to love and accept myself first.
It’s been a blessing and an amazing journey to reflect and recognize the monumental growth and see the transformation.
I am full of gratitude and can’t wait to show up in 2020 and bring my best self with me.
And...only in that space can I continue to empower and elevate others!