There are two pictures of my daughter Callie and I posted below taken about a year apart. We seem happy and joyful in both pictures but what you don’t see in the first picture is the pain and suffering we were going thru at the time. What you don’t see in the first picture is although we love each other unconditionally, we certainly did not like each other very much. As a matter of fact, we were hardly speaking at the time.
She was a few months into her freshman year at college. She had graduated a year early at the age of 17 and received a nice scholarship to a private college. What I could not focus on at the time was the grief and pain she was going through. Daily functioning for me was a chore and I could not be there to support and help her move through the grief and we both were falling apart inside. There were ugly fights and epic battles that lasted sometimes for weeks. We could hardly be in a room together without fighting.
One year, 365 days, 12 months, 52, weeks, 8760 hours since I have seen your face or heard your voice my love. I can still hear your boisterous laugh and feel your gregarious spirit every day. Not a day goes by that thoughts of you don’t cross my mind. I hear a song, or see a picture or go to a familiar place. I am so blessed to have had that time with you, those sweet moments that will forever be engrained into my subconscious. I re-live every last minute of that day in my head many times over. I go through our conversations and our text messages and listen to your voice mail. I can still see you standing there that fateful morning as I kissed you goodbye and heading out the door for work, neither of us realizing it would be the last time we saw each other.
The natural thing to do in a season of pain and suffering is to find a way out, to mask it, to work around it, to hide it, to drink it away, drug it away, or wish it away. The most difficult thing to do is face it...
I really have never heard the term Post Traumatic Growth until a few weeks ago when I was at an International Conference for John Maxwell. I met a physiologist that works with the military to help them through PTSD. In talking with her and doing some of my own research I discovered there is a science behind PTG (post traumatic growth).
PTG is defined as the experience of positive change resulting from the struggle of a major life crises. In PTG you are looking for the following:
· new opportunities or possibilities in life
· increased sense of personal strength
· change in relationships with others
· greater appreciation for life in general
· deepening of spiritual life
Losing Tony took my world off its axis, it shook me to my core and the aftershocks continue still today nearly 10 months later. However, I have experienced tremendous personal and spiritual growth with a far greater appreciation for life. In healing myself I have...
One year ago this weekend my life was forever changed, my love took me on a Bucket List trip to San Fransisco and Napa Valley. It was a trip of a life time: we took a helicopter ride over the Bay and flew under and over the bridge, we had drinks at the top of the Hilton Union Square that has a 360 degree view of the entire city, we took a wine train through Napa, and... He proposed to me at the top of a castle in a 13th century style winery! It was magical, blissful, and spectacular in every way! We could not wait to combine our lives and immediately came home and started planing for our future together home. We loved one of the first homes we looked at but spent another month searching before coming back to this one. We spent weeks making it our own and could not wait to move in.
Now, the time has come to move to a new home and allow a new family to enjoy this house. I have not been able to enjoy it and utilize it the way it was meant to be used. I know the new family moving...
Definition of shock
(1): a sudden or violent mental or emotional disturbance
(2): a disturbance in the equilibrium or permanence of something
Unadulterated shock and sudden bereavement are the only words I can use to describe the intense physical, emotional and spiritual pain I felt after Tony’s death. When a devastating event such as a sudden and tragic death happens unexpectedly to a loved one, your mind has no way of processing except to go into shock.
I could not eat, sleep, concentrate, or remotely think about anything other than his death. I ended up losing 12 pounds and could barely take care of myself. It consumed my every waking moment for several months. Eventually the minutes, hours, and days that I was counting turned into weeks and now months since his death. I hated that time was passing without him because it meant that it was a day/week/month since I last saw his face, heard his voice or felt his touch. I now reside in a place of comfort...
It has been a dream of mine to start this blog, business, podcast and website for years. Several years ago, my work involved traveling all across the great state of Texas. To fill my time on the road I started listening to podcasts. I could not get enough of them! I would listen to influencers like Lewis Howes, Michael Hyatt, Chalene Johnson, Ted Talks, Tony Robbins and many more. I was so enamored with the podcasts and would drive around thinking I want to do that! Every day I would research and google how to podcast. I bought a mic, designed a logo, created a website, and started writing down topics I wanted to talk about on my podcast.
Then... my life fell apart, my marriage fell apart, and my dreams of creating a business fell apart. I was married to an abusive alcoholic for 19 years. Not all 19 years were abusive and I have learned through lots of therapy that alcoholism is a progressive disease. I am sure he was an alcoholic long before I wanted to believe it or...
I’ll admit I struggled this first full week back post-holiday. I usually work out daily at 5 am. (I know most people think it’s crazy) But this week I had the hardest time getting back into my routine. I would lay out my clothes the night before, fill my water bottle, load my weights and mat in the car and then could not find the energy to get up. I started Monday off with a bang and found myself full of energy that day but Tuesday – Thursday my energy level tanked. I had to do a ton of self-talk this morning to get myself out of bed and get to my work-out! I was a few minutes late but I did it!
Why is it that we are so quick to cancel appointments with ourselves but we make sure and show up for others? If I made an appointment with a friend or client I would show up. Why do we not hold ourselves to that same higher standard? Self-care is so important to me and working out is my daily dose of endorphins and I felt the effects of not getting my work out in...